- Cover of Slippery When Wet
I am a big fan of cussing. It is the unwritten 21st tip in my 20 Tips to Making Your PPT Presos Suck Less. I learned at my first concert (Bon Jovi, Slippery When Wet Tour, Irvine Medows, April 22, 1989) that the crowd loves a little cussing. “How are you, Irivine?” got a much better response as, “How the fuck are you, Irvine?” And, “You guys rock!” was much better received as “You guys fucking rock!”
I have often wondered how “transitive” the power of cussing is. So, for example, would the passengers of a flight go nuts if the pilot got on the Com and said, “Ladies and Gentleman, this is your captain, Frank Lazio. We know you have a choice when you fly, so fucking thanks for choosing United.” Probably not. Though I guess it is a bit circumstantial, as they might appreciate or at least understand, “Ladies and Gentleman, this is your captain. You will not fucking believe this…our left engine just dropped off.” I might not cheer, but I would at least understand.
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- Image via CrunchBase
So while I love to drop the occasional “bullshit” in a live preso, I really sanitize my written communique. Why? Because the transitive powers of cussing don’t seem to work with written word. It just doesn’t translate. Not too far off written cussing, is the old dude trying to talk like the young kids. Ouch. In general, when you pass the age of 30 and certainly when you hit 40, leave the “killers” and “rads” for the kids.
So, as I read Carol Bartz’s more recent memo I can’t help thinking they would be much better if she just toned them down a bit. She may be a very spry 60, I’ve never met her, but it just comes across as a bit too effected to read her “kick ass”es and her “killers”. You certainly get the sense that she is trying really hard…that’s nice, I guess.
Here are some samples from her recent memo:
“I’ve been gathering information on what it’s going to take to get Yahoo! to a great place as an organization — and one that brings you killer products.”
“Poeple here have impressed the hell out of me.”
“I’m singularly focused on providing you with awesome products. Period.”
“Look for this company’s brand to kick ass again.”
In person, all these may actually come across really well (maybe not). But in the memo format, for sure, they are fucking painful (whoops, it just slipped out). Furthermore, they are a bit misplaced. Take the whole, “Look for the company’s brand to kick ass again.” To be certain, the company’s brand was once very strong. It certainly never kicked ass, though. In fact, I don’t think there was ever any aggressiveness in the Yahoo! brand. Sure the font and “!” (bang, as they call it in Yahoo!) make it seem a bit irrepressible, but not ass kicking. Certainly not cross over to the other side of the street type of ass kicking. More, oh that Murray just never quits, rascalliness.
The Yahoo! brand at its height was the opposite. It was friendly, approachable with that little bit of loveable scamp quality (like Gilligan). Certainly not Jesse “the body” Ventura. More Jesse “the Govenor” Ventura.
Anyway, I am pulling for Yahoo! I still have a bit of purple in the blood. But I can’t help wanting to write an email to the CEO and tell her dial it all back a bit…it will actually make her seem more ernest and enthusiastic. Trust me.
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Brilliant! Never thought I’d hear Bonforte telling others to dial it back a bit. Guess that apocalypse must be just around the corner!
In person, I encourage her to drop the f-bomb like it’s going out of style. I am simply pointing out that in written communique it seems a bit forced. Now, for the “awesomes” and “killers”, I might have to feed her back a little “Totally rad, Bartz, totally rad.” See if I can get her on some old skool terminology. Yo, Bartz, you be illin’!
As Charles Bronson used to say, nothing kicks ass like a Web portal.
Totally tubular advice. This could almost be dubbed the Harriet Miers rule.
Dude, why are you being a playa hater? Carol is just keepin’ it real!
I think if you’ve heard Carol speak, and also read her memos, it’s pretty clear that she’s practicing what you’re preaching. She tones is down significantly in her writing. Personally I think it’s just edgy enough to make it pop, and after sitting through the typical deathly-boring exec emails at Y! recently, this is a very welcome change of pace and a hoot!
Carol Bartz is a low-class, uneducated (only a B.A. degree) vicious and unethical person who, because of all these characteristics, truly belongs at Yahoo. She wasn’t chosen because she is the smartest, most savvy person to rescue Yahoo from the depths of hell. She sought out this “opportunity” as the best way to milk Yahoo to feather her own nest. She is a world class egomaniac who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Yahoo. All you underlings who have been fired by this egomaniac or, if you are more intelligent, left before she had the chance, might learn an unsettling lesson from this vicious pariah. Unfortunately, tactics like hers often succeed and create untold personal wealth for the perpetrator. Too bad for all you unsuspecting fools. Ms. Bartz/Fartz is a narcissistic witch with one goal — the glorification of Carol Bartz!
Whoa, Derek, did Carol break-up your parents marriage when you were a kid?
While I certainly appreciate how you turned Bartz in to “Fartz” (very clever), I am not sure someone with “only” a B.A. is uneducated. You know, neither Steve Jobs nor Bill Gates graduated from college (I only have a B.A., so maybe I am just being sensitive). Nor do I see how low-class, unethical, uneducated or vicious describe anything of the culture at Yahoo! Maybe friendly, distracted and lacking aggressiveness.
I suspect most CEOs are pretty ambitious. I suspect they are often egocentric. Anyway, you should think about the specific stuff you disagree with her choices and write about that. These broad sweeping attacks make you in your comment just seem bitter, and reveal more about the author than the subject.
Carol Bartz just made the dumbest move of the century when she didn’t get the “boatloads of money” she said she needed! Both Yahoo and Microsoft are two underdogs who belong together. Watch their market share dip to 10% or less in the next two years. In the meantime, could someone give me a heads up on Techdirt’s Mike Masnick? I hear he has left town because his family has been revealed as sharing a common male genetic defect. I think he should just own up to it. He is not missing an arm or a leg and should be grateful that he is not a lot worse off.
Come on. People have to suddenly change their style when they pass a certain age, for fear that the youngsters will disapprove? Get over yourself. And just wait for it. It’ll happen to you, too. Pipsqueak.
Mr. Dipper:
You seem angry and bitter.
It is not an issue of her age overall. It is an issue of the style/period relative to hers. It is an issue of appearing to try to hard. Anyway, it already happens to me. I am almost 40 years old. I don’t use words like “hella” as in, that is “hella-cool”. I don’t because hella is a word that evolved after I left my teenage years. So when I try to use it, I just seem like I am trying to hard. I also don’t use “like” before everything I say. I don’t use “like-oh-my-god”. That is something that was popular when I was pre-teen…again, I would be trying too hard.
I do say “fuck” and “shit”…but I try to temper them a bit so they aren’t wasted. As I said, I encourage people to use a little profanity, even a lot of profanity. But it isn’t worth trying to sound like the kids. It just doesn’t work.
oh no carol bartz again! are we talking to the carol bartz that I know?
is Mrs. Bartz a loser: http://pinoytutorial.com/techtorial/is-carol-bartz-a-yahoo-%E2%80%9Closer%E2%80%9D-ceo/
Not to sound mean, but facts are facts